TALLINN — An Estonian government agency has scored a first in international relations by demonstrating how to successfully waste 70 million euros on an ammunition contract without producing a single bullet. Locals are calling it the most impressive display of non-productive prowess since the legendary Cold War sauna debates.
In an official press release, the agency stated they couldn’t provide even a paper target demonstrating the ammo’s effectiveness, leading experts to question if the money was really spent on an actual contract or merely invested in perpetual bellyaching. “We wanted to see how far we could stretch the definition of ‘failure’,” said agency spokesperson Aivo, who spoke from the comfort of his newly renovated sauna.
“Honestly, 70 million is just the price of doing business in Estonia. At least we now have top-tier sauna materials.”
While this shocking revelation has left parliament baffled, it has given new hope to startups around the country. Local entrepreneur Kadri claimed, “It’s a gold mine! If they can do it, so can we! Let’s open a company to sell imaginary herring fillets. No more taxes!”
The agency intends to address public concerns but insists it requires more funding to ascertain the future of this ‘successful’ project. Experts predict a steady increase in uncertainty among Estonians, leaving many debating over black bread and coffee whether failure could indeed be the new success.
At press time, the agency decided to pivot and promised next quarter’s report will include at least 10 different excuses.