TALLINN — In an unprecedented move, Prime Minister Kaja Kallas has proposed that the last remaining pigeon in Tallinn Old Town be the next President of Estonia. During a press conference, Kallas noted that with recent political turbulence, the pigeon, affectionately named Toots, could provide the stability the country sorely needs.
”Toots never flaps its wings when in a meeting, which is more than I can say for our last defense minister,” Kallas quipped. Many experts believe Toots has a significant advantage over current politicians: reliability.
”A pigeon has no party agenda. It just wants to eat and occasionally poop on various statues. Sounds like perfect leadership!”
Tallinn’s citizens reacted with mixed feelings. Some expressed concern about a lack of experience, while others appreciated the directness of a pigeon in political affairs.
”At least it won’t promise free kohv every morning and then serve vile, burnt stuff like in some campaign trails,” added Liisa, an angry voter holding a cup of said coffee. “Toots can’t do any worse than what we have!”
Meanwhile, Toots has shown little interest in the announcement but was spotted enjoying some leib around Raekoja Plats, sparking rumors of a campaign funding scandal.
At press time, Toots was observing the National Song Festival, apparently deciding if it wanted to jump into politics or stick to a more traditional avian career.