TALLINN — In a bold move to tackle low productivity rates, the Estonian government has introduced a revolutionary bill requiring all workers to stay at the office until at least 5 PM. The new initiative, titled the ‘Stay After 5 PM’ bill, aims to inspire employees to contribute extra hours, so they can also enjoy free Wi-Fi and stale leib.
”We believe that extending the workday will boost the economy and improve morale,” said Minister of Productivity, Jüri Loo. “Who wouldn’t want to spend more time in the office away from the comforts of home?” Many workers, however, have expressed concerns about missing their sauna sessions. “I can only stay late if the sauna is brought to the office,” said Peeter Tamm, a software developer.
The bill requires businesses to provide ‘cozy spaces’ for employees to relax after 5 PM, with mandatory coffee stations and political discussions on the future of e-Residency. Critics argue that enforcing a longer workday could lead to mass burnout and even more grumpy moods at the Baltic Sea.
Despite these concerns, the government remains determined. “Think about it, this could finally lead to a benefit: sharing miserable work experiences in the sauna!” joked Loo. Employee wellness coaches have suggested workshops on adjusting to prolonged workspace loneliness, complete with meditation breaks that begin after the first hour of mandatory overtime.
At press time, the government is considering additional measures to improve productivity, including coffee breaks every hour and mandatory singing of the Kalevipoeg epic to animate the otherwise dull atmosphere.