TALLINN — In what has since been dubbed “the sauna showdown of 2023”, an Estonian woman named Marit found herself valiantly attempting to educate a group of bewildered tourists on the delicate intricacies of sauna etiquette. The situation escalated quickly when the tourists asked why there was a specific ‘seating chart’ for the hot room.
”It’s simple,” Marit sighed, “You just don’t sit where Peeter is! He’s been sweating there for an hour. Just… no!” Marit rolled her eyes, muttering, “Why must I explain everything? Just use common sense!” She then attempted to guide them through the rules of not bringing cell phones—much to the horror of a young tourist who was visibly shaken by the idea.
”It’s like trying to explain the concept of leib and how important it is without saying the words ‘Estonian identity’,”
Despite her passionate attempt, the tourists seemed more intent on photographing the sauna’s wooden benches than absorbing Marit’s wisdom. One of them even asked if they could post a selfie to social media, prompting Marit to wonder if Estonian culture would survive the onslaught of casual clickbait.
The incident took a humorous turn when another tourist, Juri, mistook the word ‘löögina’ (meaning smack) as a recommendation for a new sauna snack. He later reported he was “living on the edge” with his proposed recipes involving salt and surprise, much to the confusion of everyone involved.
Ultimately, Marit declared the sauna trip a wash, claiming that no amount of saunatamine (sauna visiting) could prepare her for the mental gymnastics of answering questions like “Does the order of pouring water on the rocks matter?”
At press time, Marit found solace in a bowl of seljanka soup and vowed to only visit the sauna alone from now on.