TALLINN — In a stunning display of local ingenuity, a man named Jaan has proposed a solution to all of Tallinn’s traffic issues: more trams. Speaking exclusively to Sibula Leht, Jaan explained, “If we just have more trams everywhere, then there will be no delays. Everyone can just ride a tram. It’s simple!”
Jaan’s plan suggests a tram line connecting every sauna in Tallinn, ensuring that even the most distant washrooms are never more than a few stops away. “Imagine a tram every 100 meters! Everyone would be so relaxed!” he added, blissfully overlooking the likely chaos of overlapping tram routes.
”The idea of people walking anywhere for anything is just boring. Trams are the future!”
When pressed about the feasibility of his ideas, Jaan maintained that he had consulted with various friends over a few mugs of kohv at the local Rimi. “If the Germans can make autobahns, surely we can make tram lines!”
However, city planners are wary. “People will start complaining about trams blocking the view of their houses and not moving fast enough as they demand more tram stops,” remarked one anonymous planner, shaking his head.
At press time, Jaan was preparing a petition to rename Tallinn the ‘Tram City’ and was aggressively blocking the thoughts of his friends who suggested buses might be an option.