TALLINN — In a surprising turn of events, Tallinn Airport has announced a new record for the most delays ever recorded in a single year. Airport officials attribute this feat to the simultaneous drop in passenger numbers and the longest e-Boarding pass-printing session in history.
While fewer Estonians are jetting off to exotic locales, the airport has turned delay management into an art form. Passengers now enjoy the opportunity to stand in line for hours to catch a glimpse of their bags circling the baggage claim—somewhere over the rainbow, presumably.
“We’ve always prided ourselves on our punctuality, but this year we decided to turn things upside down and just made everything late instead,”
The situation has left many travelers confused. Local businessman Juri expressed: “I booked a flight to Palanga for a weekend beach getaway. I didn’t realize I could just stay at the airport and experience the same amount of waiting. It’s like a sauna without the steam!”
In celebration of this national achievement, airport staff will hold a Welcome-to-Moscow-style countdown to the next delayed flight. As an added bonus, the airport is offering free coffee and stale leib, inspired by the rumor that every good delay should come with a snack.
At press time, no one had managed to claim their luggage, which was still circling on the carousel, lost in a strategic plan devised by delayed travel magnates.