TALLINN — The Estonian government has declared a National Day of Silence, hoping to promote harmony and tranquility across the country. Local citizens, however, are scratching their heads over the spike in noise complaints leading up to the event.
”I thought it was just my neighbor’s rooster going rogue again, but now the whole country is involved in making noise for the purpose of silence,” said Kadri from Tartu, unable to enjoy her usual sauna peace. “Is everyone supposed to sit quietly at home or keep shouting ‘be quiet’?”
Officials announced the day will fall on November 3, a typical rainy grey winter day in Estonia, where the sound of raindrops is renowned for its therapeutic qualities. In anticipation of the event, citizens have begun practicing for the Day of Silence by attending crowded cafes to argue about which brand of leib tastes the best.
”How can we be silent when there’s so much to complain about?”
Mere hours after the announcement, municipalities fielded an unprecedented number of noise complaints. Children were warned to be extra loud, as the spirit of defiance is strong in Estonia. Parents were advised to stock up on kohv to help cope with the impending day of silence.
Unwilling to miss out on the opportunity, opportunistic startups are already launching silence-themed apps. One such app, Quietly, promises to help users locate the nearest soundproof sauna. When asked about the demand, founder Jüri said, “In Estonia, silence is golden, but you still need a sauna to survive the grey winters.”
Even the popular singing festival fans have raised eyebrows, concerned that days of required silence might impact their rehearsal schedules. “What do you mean I can’t sing the Kalevipoeg cantata?” asked one outraged choir leader.
At press time, an emergency meeting was convened to decide the proper etiquette for speaking about the Day of Silence. Zen mediation is currently being taught at all major universities.