TALLINN — After a surprising announcement from the government, Estonia is officially reverting to paper forms for all transactions, citing a desire to reconnect with its ‘historic roots.’ The decision has led to chaos, as citizens joyfully burn their laptops and smartphones in public squares.
”We felt it was time to return to simpler times,” said Minister of Digital Affairs, Peeter Haan, in a statement. “Besides, who needs an e-Identity when you can feel the joy of ink on paper?”
“I haven’t felt this alive since the last Song Festival! I’m happy to ditch my tablet for a good old-fashioned quill!”
Starting next week, citizens will also attend mandatory workshops to relearn the skill of writing. Special classes on perfecting signatures are already fully booked.
New Thriving Business: Papermaking
As a result of this unexpected change, a resurgence in local papermaking has been reported, with people crafting their own documents from recycled leib bags. Market stalls have appeared selling artisanal scrolls made from the finest Selver shopping lists.
At press time, protests were forming around rejected paper submissions, causing confusion at the post office where citizens began to mail their complaints via pigeon.