TALLINN — In a bold move to embrace traditional Estonian values, a group of teenagers has begun lobbying for a national social media ban. They argue that without constant distractions, they can enhance their real-life interpersonal skills, especially the art of staring awkwardly at your boots in silence.
”If we can’t share selfies while drinking kohv, how can we even prepare for a life of solitude in a grey winter?” said 16-year-old protest leader, Reet. “We need to own our awkwardness!”
Leaders of the initiative cite motivation from notable Estonian history, particularly during the times of Zsar Kalevipoeg, when people didn’t have smartphones but still managed to avoid eye contact effectively.
“We believe this will lead to more meaningful connections—by which we mean lengthy silences accompanied by occasional grunts.”
Before this bold initiative, many Estonians were worried the upcoming generation would slip into the murky waters of social anxiety. However, now they can proudly assert, “At least I don’t use Instagram.” A clear win for social interaction!
At press time, teenagers were spotted developing handshakes and practicing nodding while maintaining an acceptable perimeter bubble.