TALLINN — In a bold move to streamline the conscription process for the Estonian Defence Forces (EDF), the Minister of Defence announced a new language requirement that reduces expectations to a staggering two words: ‘Tere’ (hello) and ‘Aitäh’ (thank you).
The minister stated, “We need soldiers who can greet one another and express gratitude when given a sausage in a sauna. This is our new military strategy.” Conscripts will not be required to learn complex phrases like ‘Kuidas sul läheb?’ (How are you?), which could cause confusion during drills.
All training manuals have been rewritten. The previous 600-page handbook now consists of a single page featuring a cartoon of an Estonian soldier waving at another, with the outlined words ‘Tere!’ and ‘Aitäh!’ in bright letters.
”When I was drafted, I had to memorize entire sentences! Kids these days are so lucky,” said Mart, a former conscript now enjoying his freedom in Pärnu.
The move has received mixed reactions. Critics argue that the new requirement undermines the importance of language skills in the military. Proponents worry that the two words might still be too challenging for some.
Insiders say the new language rule is part of an effort to attract more young people to the armed forces. “If we keep it simple, we will get more bodies!” quipped an anonymous source within the ministry.
At press time, a proposal for a new ‘Polite Soldier’ program was suggested, which focuses solely on teaching basic compliments.