TALLINN — In an unexpected turn of events, the Estonian government announced today a new groundbreaking initiative to reduce digital paperwork by attempting to print the entire internet onto paper. “We believe this will greatly simplify our e-Government processes,” said Mart, the Minister of Innovation. “Why scroll endlessly online when you can flip through a stylish binder?”
The ambitious project, dubbed ‘Sustainable Paper Revolution,’ aims to remove all digital transactions by creating an elaborate library of printed pages, which government officials will have to thumb through to reference information.
”We see this as an eco-friendly way to embrace the past while ignoring the future!”
Local resident Kadri expressed her confusion. “I thought the whole point of e-Estonia was to not deal with paper anymore! What’s next, a train service to deliver printed forms?”
The project is expected to cost upwards of 5 million euros, with funds coming from the same budget used to upgrade the national Wi-Fi network—now with a ‘low-speed’ option that everyone was curious about.
Critics Remain Skeptical
As with most governmental projects, the Sustainable Paper Revolution has garnered mixed reactions. Activist Tonis spoke out: “This is just like putting an old smartphone in a sauna to promote healing. It sounds good but makes absolutely no sense!”
The initiative is set to roll out next month, with the first shipment of toner cartridges scheduled to arrive right after the next e-government outage.”>At press time, Estonia was still trying to figure out how to explain to expats what a ‘printed internet’ actually is.