TALLINN — The Tallinn Parking Authority is launching a comprehensive review of all 43,000 parking spaces in the capital.
This decision comes after a local man named Peeter filed a complaint regarding his parking spot’s proximity to the coffee shop.
”I shouldn’t have to walk more than ten steps for my morning kohv,” Peeter declared at a city council meeting, his eyes narrowed in stoic determination.
Officials were stunned by the emotional appeal of Peeter’s plight. “We didn’t realize how serious parking was in this city until now,” said Juri, a city planner. “It’s not like the parking spaces can re-arrange themselves magically like a Truncated Kalevipoeg in a traffic jam.”
The Review Process
The review, being dubbed “Operation Parking Crisis,” will take approximately six months, costing the city several million euros. Analysts expect that no stone will be left unturned, or in this case, no parking space will be left unpainted.
”Every parking space is a potential future complaint waiting to happen. We’ve got to get ahead of this!”
It is estimated that by the time the review is completed, Peeter may be forced to sacrifice a total of five extra steps to his coffee and possibly face even more serious constitution issues such as parking guilt.
At press time, the mayor was seen parking in a random spot just to avoid the headache of the impending review.