TALLINN — In a groundbreaking new initiative, Estonia has mandated a self-sufficiency plan requiring citizens to only consume leib (black bread) and live in their saunas for 30 days straight if international links are severed.
The plan was unveiled during a press conference where Prime Minister Kaja Kallas stated, “We must prepare not only our e-systems but our stomachs for future emergencies. Nothing says resilience like a diet of black bread and sauna steam!”
Experts were quick to weigh in on the practicality of this initiative. “Saunas are excellent survival units,” claimed Mart, a local survivalist. “The only problem is finding someone willing to share the sauna for a month without violating etiquette. It’s a delicate balance of heat and silence!"
"Estonians are already experts at living simply. This is just a logical next step in our commitment to the cold and grey!”
Meanwhile, the Ministry of Health is distributing DIY sauna kits and recipes for various types of leib to help citizens adjust to their new self-sufficient lifestyle. “It’s all about returning to our roots,” said health official Liisa, who was spotted preparing her third loaf of black bread in one afternoon.
The opposition party has criticized the plan, arguing that living off leib and sauna could lead to an increase in existential crises among the population. “Not everyone can handle looking into the steamy abyss for 30 days without Wi-Fi,” they stated in an official complaint.
As the country braces for the minimum 30-day period of solitude and self-sufficiency, Estonians are reportedly stockpiling coffee and planning unique sauna-themed cocktail parties. After all, the only thing better than surviving a crisis is doing it in style.
At press time, a national leib shortage was declared following a surge in panic buying.