TALLINN — In an unexpected twist of fate, local Tallinn resident Kadri Tamm, 32, found herself knee-deep in theoretical physics while trying to evade a trip to Rimi for groceries.
”I was just trying to avoid the lines for leib,” she explained, sporting what can only be described as a strong disdain for small talk with strangers. “Then I thought, what if I could bend time? Theoretically, I could skip the whole shopping experience!”
After several attempts to create a wormhole in her living room using nothing but her mother’s old potted plant and some leftover kohv, she stumbled upon her breakthrough: a new theory explaining how procrastination could actually distort time.
”I have no idea what I just said, but it sounds smart enough to put on my LinkedIn profile,”
Her friends, now convinced of her genius, have started calling her “The Quantum Grocery Avoider.” Peeter, her neighbor, now asks for her input on all universe-related discussions, including whether the sauna should stay traditional or embrace infrared technology.
Further experiments involved her cat, who also reportedly demonstrated signs of existential dread after realizing it had to face a “sauna or bathtub” dilemma.
At press time, Kadri was locked in a heated debate with herself over whether grocery shopping was indeed part of the space-time continuum.