TALLINN — A groundbreaking study published by the Institute of Estonian Nuances has revealed that 90% of Estonians would rather endure an awkward silence in a Rimi queue than engage in small talk with acquaintances.
The research, conducted over six months at various Selver locations, found that subjects showed greater signs of happiness when remaining silent in line compared to when they attempted to make idle conversation about the weather or last weekend’s sauna.
”Every second spent talking is a second wasted when you could be contemplating your life choices while staring at the frozen fish section,” said lead researcher Aivo Rask, who noted that even the smallest chatter—like discussing the price of kohv—was met with grimaces.
“If I wanted to hear someone’s small talk, I’d invite them to my sauna and install a hot water leak,”
Participants in the study reported feeling more connected to their fellow grocery shoppers when they all shared the same awkward silence. “It’s like we’re all in this together,” said one anonymous shopper. “Not talking while standing around is basically our national pastime.”
The remaining 10% of Estonians who allegedly enjoy small talk are said to be either tourists or very confused expats.
At press time, researchers were preparing a follow-up study to see if late-night dance parties in the Linnahall have the same overwhelming preference for silence over conversation.